You’re about to discover a complete breakdown of what to say to a girl on Tinder.
From how to start the conversation right through to meeting up in real life.
Because we all know Tinder provides us with one GIGANTIC headache…
What the hell do you say to a complete stranger?!
It’s easy enough to get matches, but damn right tricky to turn those matches into a successful conversation.
There’s constructing the opener, keeping the conversation moving, and then ultimately, how you get a girl off of Tinder and into real life.
So if you’re stuck not knowing how to message a girl on Tinder, then this guide is for you. It’s a step-by-step breakdown of every stage in the storyline. You’ll discover how to:
Profile your matchesSend the perfect opening messageKeep the conversation rollingAsk the girl out on a date / exchange numbers
And you’ll find 30+ screenshots of my personal Tinder interactions to show you the right and wrong ways to message your matches!
TRENDING: Discover 8 powerful messages that guarantee you a date on Tinder. Copy and Paste these 8 controversial messages on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge if you dare!
Now, I’ll assume you’ve already accumulated some matches, so let’s dive straight into Step 1…
1. Profiling your Matches
First things first, before you jump the gun and message a girl on Tinder, you’ve gotta take 30 short seconds to skim through her profile.
It’s the most overlooked step, and probably the most important.
Why? Because you can gain so much info from a bio, even just from a couple of generic selfies.
Not only does it help you to think up a specific opener, but it also enables you to suss out what type of girl you’re dealing with:
Is she the Vicar’s daughter type, a party girl, a selfie queen, or a batshit crazy psycho who has a tendency to key cars?
Basically by profiling your matches, you can gauge their personality, find common ground (if any), and work out a style of messaging that suits their persona.
Just like you wouldn’t ask a muslim chick out to wine tasting, or message a Harvard English Lit grad with sloppy spelling and grammar…
You want to speak to your target market in the right way.
And just a 30 second scan of her bio is enough to build a character profile of your match.
So go full detective mode on her bio, pics, interests, and if you’re lucky… her Instagram photos.
Try and find something you have in common – places she’s visited, hobbies she’s into, food she likes etc.
Or failure to that, look for easy conversation starters, like any of these photos I’ve been spoon fed with:
By doing this, you’ll be able to craft the perfect unique first message to grab her attention and get her excited to message you back.
Rather than messaging her like every other man and his dog starting with “hey”, “hey how are you?” or “Whats up”.
2. Sending the First Message
Once you’ve a good grasp of the type of girl you’ve matched with, it’s time to send the first message….
And don’t worry if your Tinder match falls into the elusive category – with just a single, generic picture and a blank canvas for her bio.
I’ll cover how to send ‘one-size-fits-all’ first messages too.
But first, let’s quickly cover the don’ts – first messages that will ensure a quick fire way to get you unmatched or ghosted.
Tinder First Message Don’ts
Avoid making any of these common mistakes when starting out what to say to a girl on Tinder:
Complimenting her Physical Appearance
Your match doesn’t need reminding how beautiful her smile is, or how gorgeous she looks in that bikini pic. The only kind of reply this warrants is “aww thanks”
It’s a bit cringeworthy and bordering on creepy. And shows you’re already putting her on a pedestal.
The fact you’ve swiped right is enough to show you dig her looks. No need to reinforce it.
Sending Boring, Generic Messages Like “Hey” or “Hi, how are you?”
Doing this will put you at risk of blending in with the hundreds of other guys messaging her.
Messaging a girl with “hey, how was your day?” ain’t gonna get her messaging you back in a hurry, unless your pics rival the likes of Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling in the looks department.
This lazy man’s approach (strangely) does get the odd reply, however it fails to set up the conversation well. It’s pretty much doomed from the outset. Yawn…next.
Being Overtly Sexual
This one is pretty much a given. However it’s surprising how many guys get explicit right from the get go.
Remember it’s a REAL person on the other end receiving your texts.
There’s only a 1% chance being overtly sexual and straight to the point might actually work for a first message…
…That’s when you’re returning home from an unsuccessful drunken night out, horny with blue balls, and message a girl on Tinder as a last resort before devouring a donor kebab.
And it just so happens your Tinder match is in a similar situation (minus the blue balls).
Tinder First Message Do’s
Ok so those are the Don’ts, now lets look at the Do’s for starting a conversation with a girl on Tinder.
VIDEO: If you want to get your Tinder match out on a date quickly, watch this:
(It’s the best way to get girls addicted to your messages on Tinder in the shortest space of time)
Personalized to Perfection
‘Stalking’ your matches bios, pics and Instagram accounts will help relieve the headache of not knowing what to say to a girl on Tinder.
Taking 30 seconds to browse her bio, will spoon feed you some solid material to use for an opening message.
And with this, you’ll stand out from the crowded pool of Tinder guys you’re in direct competition with by sending a unique message about one of her pics, or something written in her bio – hobbies, a quote, likes or dislikes etc.
Especially if you can find common ground.
The key with this is to be playful and fun with your personalised message. Don’t be like “Nice surf pic, is that Bondi beach?”
Despite being personalized, it’s still pretty dull, and almost as lame as starting with “Hey how are you?”.
Instead be more jokey, and challenge her:
“Strong photoshop skills with that surf pic…bet that isn’t actually you”
Lets look at some more personalized first message examples of some of my Tinder interactions:
First off, using a girl’s bio to form a solid opener:
Then there’s the really close detective work… Most people wouldn’t pick up on this.
(In the UK, Cider is very popular in the west country, it’s kind of a running joke)
And lastly, with this match, I didn’t have much to go on, but noticed a pic of her dancing in the kitchen. Her facial expression looked like she was in awe of something…
Quick recap: Conduct a 30 second research of your matches bio and pics. If possible, tailor the opening message to something you find. And something that you feel is in the right style for her personality.
And don’t be boring with it. Be playful, funny or different. Try and make her FEEL something – happy, lol’ing, taken aback, bust her balls etc.
Naming the Name
Simply including your matches’ first name in a message will get you a high response rate. It subconsciously creates an emotional bond like you’ve known each other for years.
It’s a useful ploy if your matches’ profile is generic – you have nothing to work with.
A Whiff of GIF
If you’re really clutching at straws, and don’t know what to say to a girl on Tinder… try opening with a funny GIF
Studies show you’re 30% more likely to get a response by opening with a GIF, and conversations including GIFS last on average 2x longer.
Who would’ve thought hey? Welcome to the 21st century I guess.
Starting a conversation with a GIF tends to work better with girls who appear to be embracing 2018 trends. Basically girls who have Snapchat dog filter pics, lots of selfies, and a worrying amount of emojis in their bio.
Same goes for emojis as openers. Look at her bio – if it’s littered with emojis, you can be damn sure a waving boy emoji will go down a treat to start the conversation off:
You want to make her FEEL something!
It doesn’t matter what emotion you spark, just do anything to avoid sounding monotonic and lifeless. A good way to test this is to read the message back to yourself before sending it.
Basically try not to sound like a robot: “how-was-your-weekend?” Comprendez?
Shock her! confuse her…. bring a smile to her face, make her wonder about you. Anything like this and you’re almost guaranteed some kind of response.
Send something that grabs her attention, even something a bit out there and whacky works too:
Emotion evoking first Tinder messages work best for generic profiles, when you’re struggling to think of something to send:
I Want to Play a Game
Kicking off with a game is a fun way to start the conversation.
And also a roundabout technique to get to know the girl you’ve matched with. Rather than asking dull questions like “Do you live in LA?”
Here are some fun example games to open with:
Snog, Marry, Avoid
Would you Rather Questions
Asking your match unusual or thought provoking questions is another ‘easy in’ to force a reply if you’re struggling with what to say to a girl on tinder.
Good go-to topics with girls are spirituality and astrology:
So there are some tips for starting the conversation on Tinder. Now let’s look at how to keep the conversation going and push for the date!
3. Keeping the Conversation Moving
Different texting rules apply to Tinder compared with the traditional method of texting a girl you meet on a night out.
Certain bad texting habits are often overlooked with Tinder, to the point of actually playing to your advantage.
Messaging back straight away for example, (normally considered a big texting taboo) is counterintuitively a great tactic for keeping the conversation rolling on Tinder.
Why? Because Tinder is a fickle beast. Girls (and I’m sure boys too) have the attention span of a goldfish when it comes to messaging on the app.
So it’s imperative to strike while the iron is hot! Conversations on Tinder need to be fluid and fast paced if you want any chance of transitioning the conversation to Whatsapp or into a date.
Ideally you want to keep texting in the present until you close the deal (digits / set up a date). No waiting 3 hours to send the next message, or playing it cool and waiting it out a day or two.
Watch this video to learn exactly what Tinder messages you need to send to make a girl excited to meet up with you:
(With these 8 magic messages you will get girls inviting themselves over to your place for sex tonight)
The Conversational Don’ts
Let’s quickly cover the conversational no no’s to avoid when talking to your Tinder matches:
Bragging for a Shagging
Don’t brag, it just ain’t cool. The fact your match has swiped right for you is enough to assume attraction already. There’s no need to continuously sell yourself to impress her.
The whole point of the conversation is to get to know her, ask questions, and see if she’s worth meeting up with. NOT to stand on a podium shouting “pick me, pick me! I’m amazing!”
To be fair, Tinder does have a bad rep for people using the platform purely to seek validation. People like the feeling of being wanted, and the dopamine rush of getting a match is the only thing a lot of users are seeking. Not to actually use Tinder for it’s purpose – to go on dates and message matches! Be on the prowl for these attention whores and steer well clear to avoid wasting your time!
The Job Interview
Avoid being Mr Serious and treating the interaction like an interview. Never ask questions like:
“What’s your favourite sport / hobby”“Do you go out partying a lot?”“Whats your favourite food?”“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
Understandably, you want to get to know your match before asking her out on a date. But there’s a certain way to go about this without grilling her with 21 questions. More on how to do that in a sec…
The conversation might be going great, and your match might be LOLing or LMAO’ing about something funny you said. But don’t labour the point. Keep the conversation moving.
Here’s an example of subject sticking with a girl from Belarus:
What might work well there and then, might not necessarily have the same effect later down the line.
Now let’s look at the art of making good conversation on Tinder. Complete this stage well and she’ll be gagging for a date