Today, I am writing to you as a pissed off consumer. Actually, every day that I write to you, I am a pissed off consumer, because I have Comcast. But today, I’m especially angry about something else: official-looking warranty expiration notices.
Have you ever gotten one of these? I’ve owned a lot of cars over the years, so I get them pretty often, and they’re just some of the shakiest documents you’ll ever get in your life.
every few months, I get something in the mail that says: “vehicle alert” and “immediate action required” and “open immediately”. now this sets off some red flags right away because I’m thinking this could be a recall notice and therefore an immediate threat to my personal safety because there’s a new recall on my car for a problem in the which will catch fire if I try to open the glove box. I say this because every car in human history seems to be recalled right now, including the moon rover. (“NHTSA Recall Notice: Improper placement of suspension components may affect the vehicle’s ability to glide across the moon.”)
so i anxiously open this letter and it turns out it’s from a company called “america extended warranty” or “warranty contract services” or “jim bob’s vaping warranties and supplies”. and it turns out the “vehicle alert” is really just that they think the warranty is about to expire on a 2007 volkswagen gti i owned half a decade ago before i sold it to a couple that lives in nevada, so they want to sell me an extended warranty to complement it.
basically this vehicle alert wasn’t an alert at all except it alerted me to the fact that warranty services are the kind of company that spends a quarter of their annual budget paying yelp to remove the bad reviews.
I know I should dismiss these warnings, but they are more effective than you think.
About two weeks ago, my fiancee and I were talking and she told me that she had received an official letter about her warranty expiring and that she needed to call to make sure she was still covered. she drives a 2008 acura rdx, the turbocharged one, which is currently parked while we wait for acura to replace our deadly air bag.
so this piqued my interest, I checked the letter and sure enough, it was from an extended warranty company. vehicle alert notice. attention: immediate response to this notice is requested. they even printed a “response deadline”, as if they weren’t going to desperately sell you an extended warranty on any vehicle, at any time, even if you drove a 1987 lincoln town car and called at noon on christmas.
Now, I suspect my fiancee wouldn’t have fallen for this company’s sales pitch once she called them, but the point is that the letter convinced her to call them. and she is not a stupid person. she was her best high school student, for crying out loud. Do you know how far she was from being my valedictorian in high school? my valedictorian in high school went to yale and is currently in medical school. I’m sitting in my room eating doritos and writing about the mail I get. that far
So, anyway: Let’s say you called them and didn’t fall for their sales pitch. think of all the people who would fall into the trap. i want you to imagine seniors, in their later years, driving a senior car, like a buick lucerne, and they receive this note in the mail. do you know what they are going to do? they’re going to be terrified, and they’re going to call this place, and they’re going to buy the best possible coverage, which involves a powertrain extended warranty, an interior extended warranty, and a trunk liner extended warranty, and an extended warranty that covers the car in case of lightning strike or intravenous drug use.
so basically what i’m saying here is that these extended warranty ads are ridiculous and predatory and should probably be stopped immediately so they don’t scam more people out of their money.
In the meantime, if you really want an extended warranty, you should feel free to pursue it according to your own wishes. just call jim bob’s and get a free vape pen with every three year warranty purchase.
@dougdemuro is the author of bumper to bumper and plays with cars, which his mom says are “pretty decent.” He worked as a manager for Porsche Cars North America before quitting to become a writer.
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